Category: Parent Talk
we just found out today that yvonne changed her mind about the adoption, and didn't tell us. we found out after every one elce did. I don't know how to handle the greef, my heart is broken.
I don't know you, but I saw this topic, read it, and wanted to reply. I don't really know what to say, And I don't know the situation, so it's not my place to ask any questions. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
hmmm. I can only say I'm sorry for your situation.
Raaj.
I thaught he was already yours? were'nt you the one taking care of him the whole time or am i mistaken?
I'm confused, I thought the adoption was already finalized, from the way you'd written on other boards. I am not sure what to say, because I dont know you, and I dont know Yvonne.
the adoption was going to be finalized on december 8th. she already gave her rights up in april though. so he is ours, just not ours, get it?
and yes, we have had him since he was born. we brot him home from the hospital.
I am not asking any one to take sides, just asking for tips to handle the pain we feel, my husband and I, are devastated.
the only thing I can say is that healing takes time. there's no set timeline to get over things like this; I wish you the best.
You may want to seek out some kind of counseling about this, someone outside the situation to talk to. There may be support groups for things like this, or at the least, maybe you and your husband could see someone for grief counseling.
I don't no you, but my heart is broken for you.. I no how much little noah means to you. So they don't want you to raise it is that whats going on? I'm just trying to understand I'm so sorry this is so sad
we don't know any reasoning behind all of this, it's so sudden, just last week she was all for the adoption, and suddenly, she's not. we found out threw a friend, she posted it on her face book and still hasn't told us.
we'll be praying, that's all we can do, we don't have any answers. thanks for the kind words, all of you.
Oh boy sounds like a big mess foresure. My question is is should this really come here? I mean, if you both are zoners, isn't this gonna cause discussions amongst friends of both of you? Its a sad thing foresure, I can understand, but I just wonder how it effects people that care about you both. I hope I am not being rude or insensative, I am just concern that it could cause other issues between friends and such. . Maybe I am completely wrong and if so, I am sorry! Just trying to understand!
yes, I think it would be best if you try to keep this off the zone and discuss this with yvonne! I know you need people to talk about this to. but if you talk on here. it may just make things worste for you. people on here like to stir up the drama. so be careful!. i feel for you both. I know it must be hard having him for so long and thinking he is yours. but at the same time it has to be hard for yvonne to I mean to know he's with you is one thing and then knowing it's going to be final. that's got to be hard. I am so sorry for all of you going through this. the little guy has a lot of people that love him. but like I said. I would be careful who you talk about all this to! You guys really don't need any more drama added to the situation! Little guy needs what's best for him,a dnI'm sure you guys will sort that out amongst you, not the zone. hang in there
just my opinion.
I am also adding my sincere sympathy to this post, and am wishing you all the best. I think grief counseling or finding a support group could also be benefitial to yourself and your husband. Here's a hug.
and here's another hug from a stranger you know only by screen-name. Hope things work out for you guys.
and have a hug from me as well. I also only found out after she posted it on her facebook, my boyfriend happens to have her on facebook and she had apparently posted it there. When I was told that, I was shocked, since I had lived with you guys for so long and it had seemed like everything was pointing in the direction of you guys keeping him for sure. I know it's hard for Yvonne as well with the depression she has had and what not dealing with I guess not being able to be there for her kid, but it's also hard for you guys because of the time and effort you guys put into his well being. I love you guys and if you ever need to talk you know where to find me.
Hugs
Jess
hugs from me as well. I hope that you guys can figure this out. I'm pretty sure it must be hard for you both. and as previous posters have said, maybe a grief counsiler may be able to help in this situation.
That's so not cool, hugs mona...
I'd like to start out by saying that there's no instant remedy that will help you deal with this pain. It is also true that your situation is unique, and, while I don't know all the ins and outs, I want to say this to you:
This is somethin that has the potential to make, or brake, your marriage.
Please, hold on to your husband with all that you have, and, let him hold on to you too, for the truth is that you guys are gonna need one another.
You know, some couples can't have children of their own. They go through a whole lot of trauma, and, when something as wonderful as an adoption finally cross their road, they grab it with both hands. Having a baby is such an awesome expirience. The prospect of losing that baby, that little bundle of love for which you stood up so, so many nights, that baby for whom you did so much, under went so much trouble, the prospect of losing that child, can completely devistate you.
Counseling is certainly something you both should consider, but, also, I want to encourage you to seek support from your friends and family, all your loved ones around you.
Cry if you want. Cry, until you have cried yourselves out. Take each day as it comes, ... some days will be harder to face than others, but, what ever you do, live for each precious moment with your boy.
Try and make as many good memories as yu possibly can.
You know, each memory you make, is something that you can pack into some sort of virtual suitcase and carry with you. When days come that you find it really hard to cope, you can always take out one of those memories to help lightenyour day up a bit. And the awesome thing about this, is that no one, no one, can take yur memories away from you. You may treasure it for as long as ou live.
If you wanna talk about your pain, talk about it. Talk, and talk, and talk, even if it means you say and think the same thing over a milliontimes. It is so important that you do everything within your power to make sure you'll be okay.
Yes, I realise that you may be thinking that the advice I am offering, is crazy, and, I guess it is. But, you have to survive, and you and your husband will have to be strong for one another. Therefore I urge you to make use of any and all help you can possibly get.
Huge hugs from me. My thoughts are with you guys.
Quinten, contrary to being crazy, I'd say that you've written one of the best, earnest, and most heart-felt posts on here yet. Not that I'm downplaying the sympathy of others, but your post had the definite ring of truth and sincerity, not craziness. The advice you gave can be applied to other situations, other relationship issues, and I for one am glad you wrote what you did. Thank you for taking the time to do so.
i'm sorry, I didn't think of the other emplacations. that's why I rote that I did not want people to take sides, but I guess I shouldn't have posted this on here, if there was a way for me to delete it I would, but I don't think I can so i really don't know what to do. all i wanted was advice, and you guys gave some good advice, i never asked any one to think she was a bad person for what she did. I just don't agree with the fact that she posted it on her face book before telling us, which, still hasn't happened. thanks again for all the incoraging words. I won't be around much any more, but I'll have your kind words to carrie with me threw these hard times thanks everyone.
at the risk of being banned, I will express my opinion. Please know that it is said from love and concern.
people will say what people will say. mona, I for one am honored that you shared this most heartbreaking experience with us. If you can't express it to the people on a parenting website, what is the point of having this darn site on the zone?
Your saying not to take sides is good enough. Some people are in serious need of maturity and a life. those are the ones who would have been and will be itching for a good ol' beat down bitchin' cat fight. They are road blocks in your life and you can sail over them. Please, Please, Please, don't regret putting this on here. We are your friends and care.
quentin, I don't know you, but wish i did. Your advice was right on target and I can't add anything to it. You are the man!!!
finally, mona, don't let your feelings of betrayal stand in the way of future adoptions. anyfrom what I have read here, any child would be so benefitted by having you as a mom and your husband as the dad.
we will be praying for you. if you need to talk any time, email me at hollyt@comcast.net.
Godd bless you. Remember that asorrow shared is half as sad whil a joy shared is twice as wonderful.
Turricane, there is absolutely no risk of being banned for what you posted, I assure you. I'm also sure that Quinten would back me up on that. If people got banned for posting their opinions on this site, then we wouldn't have a Zone at all. Your post was very well-worded, and if anyone takes anything offensive from it, that is their problem. God knows far more offensive things have been posted on this site, and we've not banned people for them, even if we've personally wanted to. *Smile*
I do see the point in what others have said, since Yvonne and Mona are both members of the Zone. However, like anyone, either Mona or Yvonne are free to post what they like here. Mona, I hope you don't disappear from the site entirely. Your posts are interesting, informative, and sometimes humorous. So, try not to be too much of a stranger.
Alicia, I agree 100% with the above post.
i don't think I was being immature by sayig she may want to keep it off the boards. I actualy think it was the total opposite. I think I put it well. but it's your opinion, and that's fine. i was just trying to help her out. I just know that many zoners like to stir up drama. and They already ahve enough to deal with. it has to be hard. they don't need people adding to it. I feel for all envolved! Don't feel bad for posting it on here. you needed to get it out and you did. just be careful as to how much info you give. you dont' want others to make a stressfull situation any more stressful than it has to be. hang in there . like i said little noah is so lucky to have so many people that really love him! hopefully it works out for the best for the little guy.
I think it might help to find someone that the same situation has happend too because I feel like this probegly happens alot so if you can talk to a couple that has been through it that might help your in my thoughts and prayers
shea sorry for not writing back to you sooner. i have been planning and participating in a national conference for my work. thank god that's done for another year.
anyway, I wasn't saying that you were mature. I wanted to clarify. I said that people who take sides were showing a lack of adult behavior and judgment. Please know that I wasn't implying anything about you.